They describe the war and problems that come for the generation after the war. I am a child of the first generation after the WW II. My parents were refugees as childs, half orphans. And I wondered if there might be a possibility to understand why they behaved like they did.
You perhaps think that all parents behave in a way crazy when you look at them as a kid. That is totally normal and you are right. Well, it just gets to becomes a problem when you know that you can not get on in your life like you want. There is something that gets you in a backloop alltimes.
Here are some of the things that get me in a backloop very often:
You have to please people. What you want and think does not matter. You have to do everything to please the people around you for all costs. Saying no is no option. What you feel is wrong. You do not know your feelings. Everybody else knows better than you what is right in this situation.
You do not need borders. When anybody decides to get over something you call a border they are right not you. You do not know anything.
So you see - I am the best friend you can wish for - or not?
... my teacher who gave me a chance to learn sewing, silkpainting and much more at school - after our regular lessons a lovely bunch of people shared tea and cake and worked together once - or more often twice - a week under the roof of my school.
And it now nearly one year since I started to wear nearly daily a pair of trousers I have made myself.
You may ask why - trousers can be purchased for little money in shops and I have to say that you are right.
Well, not the pair of trousers I make for sure. I love bolt prints and I am a bit on the bigger side and not very long.
So I fit well in pattern for big japanese girls. And they are really easy to make.
And I love buying wax fabric at vlisco. It is not cheap, but the colours are bolt, it is 100% cotton and produced in Europe. And wax fabric has one really cool thing - it looks nearly the same on both sides of the fabric.
Today it is cold like winter, but the sun is shining.
I cleaned out a bit of our cellar. You know procrastinating...
It was good to get some things away I have not used for ages.
Why is it more easy to get rid of old clothes etc than to get rid of old stories?
I visited yesterday a site about "Kriegsenkel" - I am happy there is a space now.
My parents were both refugees as childs and half orphans and I never got it why I was alltimes behaving wrong according to them. Everything I felt or experienced did not matter to them.
I had to behave in the right way to make my parents happy. I had all the possibilies to do everything right - it would just have been great when anybody whould have told me what the script was I had to act after. And hey, how great is it when your parents just love the actress and not you, their child?
Today I get it that they were behaving like this coz of the traumas they got during war and fleeing west. Being a refugee must be hard.
Well, being a child of refugees is hard, too. I had material wealth, got a good education and went to university (hard, ehh). But equal what I did - I was not good enough according to my parents.
And I have to accept that I will never be good enough for my parents.
I can not get rid of the old stories, but I can accept that they happened. I am still angry a lot of my inner child that it had to experience these things. What makes it easier for me is that I am not the only one. A lot of other children of refugees had similar experiences.
I planted some violets and an agave on my front porch.
The agave is able to resist temperatures until - 15 °C.
When the sun was out I decided to get my backyard free of the last leaves from last year.
It takes each spring several attemps to get the leaves out.
Some plants in the backyard did not survive the winter or were eaten.
Otherwise there was a lot of colour - I love spring!